i am not whining about my band
ok. i am not whining about my band… i am just trying to come to terms with what is a new eperience for me. really, i am. so recently, there have been a couple of instances that have just really been akward. at the monday night bike ride, somebody introduced themself to me and asked what my name was. i told her geoff, and johnny, interjected, “you know, from defiance, ohio”, which i think everybody took as a joke, but i would be horrified if they didn’t. but just the fact that someone could make that joke, and that people could take it seriously is really frightening. i guess ultimately people who i spend a lot of time with me will be able to decide for themselves whether i have some stupid rock-star attitude or not, and i shouldn’t really worry about random kids, but it always hurts to think that people might have misconceptions about you. maybe it’s because you suspect that they might not be misconceptions at all, which is scary, but i’m pretty sure is not the case.
weird event two. this kid sean put out a fanzine with an interview with us. he hounded us for weeks for the interview, and i was happy to do it. however, his enthusiasm for it was so intense, its still really akward. he dropped off some of the zines the other day, and it’s really hard because it’s a bi-weekly zine so it’s basically just our interview. i guess that’s cool, and the format and all, i’m just afraid of seeming self-agrandizing. also, it’s not that the interview is bad, but it’s definitely not how i would interview myself, and i guess it’s strange to see someone else’s representation of you displayed so publicly. it can’t help but feel like losing control.
weird event three. i was at a party last night and people started playing the cd. it’s really surreal to hear something you’ve made being played at a party. but more than that some kid started talking to me about the band. will and ryan and i used to talk about the band all the time when we first started, and maybe that wasn’t so good, but at least it was with kids who were are close friends and understood that the band was just a big part of our lives. but now i talk to kids who only know me through the band and it’s hard because i like talking about the band, but since i don’t know these kids, it seems like it’s all i have to talk about and i’m really worried that people are like “gee he talks about his band alot”.
i’ll deal.