london adventure – epilogue
Originally written 04.10.2002.
so this is it. done and dusted. after 8 days in london i’m back on the train to edinburgh and back to revision for exams, my own bed, and skating good old bristo square instead of london’s exotic concrete parks. i’m left with a feeling of fulfillment that is the hallmark of any good vacation. sure, i never did get to see the inside of westminster abbey and there are numerous bands left unheard, vegan delicacies unsampled, and spots left unskated, but if not refreshed, i am ready to get back to my old life, to stop being a tourist, even if that does mean real responsibility.
what i’ve realized is that this is my first vacation as an adult – where i’ve booked my own transport, arranged my own accomodation and set my own agenda. traveling places as a child in the back seat of the family plymouth voyager on fmaily vacations, i was always entertained by the novelty of a new place, but in some ways, i wasn’t really getting away from it all. i was still under the rule of the parental units and though they were generally accomodating in the end, it was they who set the agenda. traveling alone, i found that places i went, the things i saw, and the things that i did took on additional value because i chose them. those experiences were exclusively mine. if i had the knowledge that i do now, i would have skipped the trip to spain, france, and italy during high school and instead saved the money for when i could tear across europe on my own.
i never quite understood why people chose to to go on vacations on cruise ships or to resorts. they’re just another version of that school trip. a person is just ristricted by the same ridiculous confinement that you face in everyday life. “do i go to the casino or do i play shuffleboard?” “do i get blitzed at the cheesy bar with overpriced drinks or do i get blitzed at the cheesy bar with overpriced drinks?” for me the vacation always meant freedom and escape and the aforementioned examples just don’t do it for me. give me a subway pass and some maps, a train ticket and some loose guides – now that’s freedom.
i think vacation is a really important institution. hey, if they made a this american life show about it, it’s got to be right? for one thing, vacation tends to bring out all aspects of someone’s personality. in traveling by myself, i get an idea of how my parents shaped who i am today. like my dad, i’m too cost conscious and always wanting to get off the beaten path. still, like my mom, i try to keep things somewhat low key and don’t stress too much about things not being perfect. it was strange really, i fealt laid back in a way that i wasn’t last week when my girlfriend came to visit. it’s hard to realize that one doesn’t always show one’s best side to loved ones, but i guess stress tends to bring out undesireable aspects of one’s personality and having someone you care about dearly thrust quickly back into one’s life after a long absence, and then, just as abruptly removed again, no matter how enjoyable the time together, is definitely stressful. being on vacation, alone this time, allowed me to reflect on the barrage of emotions that i fealt last week (that was the stressful thing about the previous week, i think, feeling so overwhelmed with feelings of affection and confusion or fear, feeling, because of the time constraint, obligated to act somehow, but, again because of the time restriction, not being able to process everything and think things through). this week in london was different. it was slow and meditative, even self-indulgent – probably just what i needed.
i look out the window and see that the train is now cutting along the craggy english coast. i zoom past the remnants of the once thatch-roofed hut right near the water and at the farmer’s fields going right to the very edge of the cliff, a scene that is foreign and completely new, and i realize that my entire study abroad experience in the uk has been a vacation of sorts – a departure from a place that was feeling too stagnant and too confortable and from a self that was seeming too willing to accept life’s inadequacies. and, jast as the most recent vacation has been an extension of self and an opportunity for growth, so is this larger vacation. as the train pulls into waverly station, one vacation now at an end, i think that maybe life could just be one vacation after another.