firbush weekend part 3
Before dinner, we were all sitting in the common room, when a couple of guys announced that all the men ought to follow him upstairs. What kind of ridiculous macho bullshit is this, I thought, but I soon found out it was part of the traditional “toast to the lasses”, and followed them upstairs. Every year, some Scots celebrate Robert Burns, the national poet, with a night of food drink, and craziness. Part of the tradition, apparently, is the “toast to the lasses” in which the males write a toast, ideally in lyrical form, poking fun at the ladies and the ladies respond in kind. Robert Burns was a bit of a womanizer, so I guess the tradition is appropriate. Still, it got pretty ugly with a room full of guys. There were the obvious suggestions about poking fun about women being in the kitchen, or women drivers, or women’s suffrage. It went way beyond that, thoughm with one kid making it apparent that the word to rhyme with “calling” just had to be “snowballing”. It was hard not to laugh at some of the cracks, but in all honesty it was pretty creepy. It was hard to tell where the joking ended, and the full blown woman hating began. The end product was filled with ridiculous stereotypes and sexual innuendo. Not exactly to my liking. I know it’s all in fun, but in the end, we live in a world where women with the same job title, skills, and qualifications as their male co-workers still make significantly less money. So, I could only laugh so much before feeling a bit pissed off.
Dinner consisted of haggis, chicken, tatties and neeps (which I think are mashed potatoes and turnips, though I’m not entirely sure), and some weird vegetarian option. The coolest part was that the haggis was brought into the dining hall to the sounds of a kilt clad bag piper, and then addressed with the Robert Burns poem, “To a Haggis“. Unfortunately, there was no vegetarian haggis as I had hoped, and the vegetarian pasta had cheese in it. It wasn’t a big deal, but the the others around me soon noticed my empty plate and put me on the spot with their misplaced sympathy. It’s just a bad scene. I really don’t care. I can happily go one meal without eating, but it’s really hard to convey that when you have a half dozen eyes staring at you as you try to explain that really, it wasn’t a problem. I always get flustered and I think I come off as someone who wants to be a martyr rather than someone who doesn’t care. I found out that the potatoes were e vegan, at least, so I didn’t starve.
After dinner, someone read a bit about Robert Burns’ life. He lived the hard life of a farmer, and his life was filled with womanizing and heartbreak, but through his poems, he managed to capture the essence of the Scottish experience. He wrote of themes that were significant to his life, that of a Scotsman, and wrote in the Scot’s language instead of refined English. I think it’s pretty rad. I don’t think the US even has a national poet, and if it does, I sure as hell can’t picture Americans gathering together to read poetry in a celebration of national heritage. Next came the toast to the lasses, and given the poor delivery, it sounded even more crass than when it was penned. Luckily, as per the tradition, someone had added some more positive couplets about the ladies at the end. The two guys who did it obviously had a great deal more poetic talent than the rest of us, because the closing was rather well written, clever, and sincere. The girls’ response had a bit of a different tone, though it was also pretty raunchy. They decided to address each of us lads in kind. I felt that with my verse (“and Geoffrey who seems like the strong silent type, but maybe those buckeyes just aren’t that bright”) I got off a lot easier than some of the other guys.
After dinner, the tables and the floor was cleared for the ceilidh (I think it’s pronounced like kay-lee), a traditional Scottish dance, filled with drinking, dancing, and carrying on. Some of the older people in attendance tried to lead us through some traditional Scottish dances, but as most of the kids were either drunk, or like myself, woefully uncoordinated, it was pretty disastrous. I was intent to sit the whole mess out, but someone insisted that I be her friend’s dance partner, so I was eventually dragged, to my dismay out onto the floor. To be honest, though, despite my utter lack of dancing ability,and my general hatred of traditional dancing (square dancing in high school gym class has, I fear, scarred me for life), I had a good time.
By the end of the dancing, even the oldest of the “adults” were pretty drunk. And were dancing every bit as crazily as the college kids. We were also treated to a demonstration of the hallmark of traditional Scottish attire, the kilt. Evidently, the traditional kilt is a huge piece of fabric that can be rolled, pleated, and tucked in a number of different manners to provide formal wear, battle wear, a covering while sleeping, and much, much, more. The modern kilt, was invented as part of military dress in an attempt to attract more Scots into joining the British army. We also got a healthy dose of kilt humor. (“What’s worn underneath a kilt? Nothing ’tis worn, everything’s in perfect working order!”)
As the dance came to a close, the punk rock looking girl that I had noticed at orientation sat down next to me. I had wanted to talk to her all weekend because, on face, she seemed like someone who I might have more in common with than the other kids, but didn’t say a word because I didn’t want to give the impression that I was trying to creep. Now, sitting next to her, I realized even more that she could easily be Alicia Arnold’s doppleganger. Just like Alicia, she seemed like the type of girl who was very used to making people uncomfortable. When she spoke to me, her first words were “Vegan, straight-edge, hardcore kid, right?” and I was definitely expecting the worst. Well, she was pretty drunk, but was a really interesting conversationalist. She was from PA also, studied philosophy and fine arts, was now studying abroad in Glasgow, etc, etc. I talked to her for a long, long time about vegetarianism, straight-edge, others’ perception of such things, siblings, our respective adolescence in small town PA, and about life in general. I don’t know if the conversation was long because she was drunk, or if I talked a ton because I was just glad to, for the first time that weekend, be speaking with someone who I felt I could relate with, at least in some small capacity. It was just one of those nice conversations, like the ones I’ve had with Varu, Erin, Patrick, Kevey, and now Iain that will definitely be some of the most defining aspects of my college experience. She gave me her contact info and I promised I would call the next time I was going to be in Glasgow for a show. If only meeting kids had been that easy this past summer.
It was almost half three when I finally got to bed. An hour later, I was sleeping happily, warm and content beneath my duvet, when I was awaken by a fire alarma nd a very drunk Taylor (one of my roommates for the weekend who also happened to have turned twenty one) insisting that “it wasn’t me” and “I didn’t do it”. The evacuation of the lodge, although brief, was not fun. Later that early morning, I was awaken again by Taylor, this time accompanied by a girl. I expected the worst, but she was only making sure he got into the top bunk without falling and killing himself and also making sure that he had a wastebasket ready to collect any drunken chunder. Lovely.