As I walk away …
The awkward silence of words left unsaid.

Ok. So its the third day back at school, and I’ve finally got some time to discuss some of the meaningful stuff that happened over break. First, a little bit more about GA. The hostel was really cool. Perhaps one of the coolest aspects was meeting different people. I’m not particularly gregarious, but the environment of the hostel really forces people to meet each other. I met a lot of interesting people. We played scrabble and cranium with a law student and a teacher from nyc named sam and peter. We met this huge group of kids from PA who were doing a service project for their high school, and we got completely wailed on at scrabble and chess by hans, a computer consultant from minneapolis. Staying at the hostel was far more hospitable then any other place I’ve ever stayed away from home. In fact, it felt like going home (if your mom and dad all had dreadlocks). Staying at the hostel and hearing about all the traveling people were doing really made me jealous. In the future, I’d really like to travel more and stay at hostels across the US or Europe. I think I might need to re-prioritize personal growth and exploration amidst my other goals for education and carreer.

Another funny thing that happened on the way back from the hostel is that Varu discovered a tick on her person in the bathroom of the visitor center in Savanah. She was a bit freaked out, as the tick was pretty firmly attached. So, we drove around for like 15 minutes before we found the neccessary provisions to remove the tick. Just for future reference, even though I’ve heard of this technique being used, its a bad idea to try to use heat (match/lighter) to remove the tick, as the tick might die and regurgitate its insides into you. Ugh! I eventually yanked the bugger off with tweazers which was pretty freaky because it was on pretty tight and I had to yank hard. The funniest thing about the whole episode was that the tick we just below varu’s waist line, so she had to pull back her pants back a bit to get at the tick. Any passersby must have had some interesting thoughts when they saw me and erin hovering over varu as her legs dangled out of the back seat of erins car. Though it was a deer tick (we saved it for further analysis), hopefully Varu will not suffer any long term effects.

We drove straight back up from GA. It was something like 14 hours and the most hardcore driving experience I’ve had. Luckily there were three people to take shifts and talk to each other to keep the driver awake. Somewhere between North Carolina and Virginia, I had a really good conversation with Varu. Its odd, she’s not really that much older than me, but she seems to have so much more insight on some things. I was lamenting about lack of opportunity. The kids we had met at the hostel sounded like they went to a really cool school, and one of them had been discussing his plans for attending college and all of the schools he had applied to were very prestigious. I can deal with my own failures or shortcomings, but to never have had a chance at some things (or to have had second rate opportunities) really drags me down. Well, Varu said something to me that was very kind, and really a unique perspective. It has framed some of the issues in my life better even than my discussions with my parents. She said that many people who have opportunity (prep school education, ticket to harvard), when they see something like injustice, they approach is coldly, like just another text book lesson. They lack that fire that people who have had to struggle for success have. And she said that the people who do great things are the ones who have had to struggle. I don’t know how true it is, but it does make me feel better about lack of opportunity.

After I got back from GA to PA, I went to a hardcore show with my brother. It was really awesome, though I was paying for all the hardcore dancing a couple of days later. I usually don’t dance at shows because I usually go alone and am afraid of getting hurt, but since I was at this show with my brother and his friends, I danced the night away. It was an awesome show. Louder Than Words, the band of one of my brother’s friends was awesome, as usal. A really good, young hardcore band. The Commercials also played. They are one of the few bands that is still around from when I was in a band. They sound 100% more emo now, and are still super, super tight. The style change makes one wonder though, are they really as fickle as to change to what’s “in” in the underground scene as so many people criticised a few years ago. Anyway, they sounded really good. A Nightmare Scenario played next. They’re from Williamsport, PA and are awesome. Really great hardcore/screamo. They have a really good sound that I find more interesting and enjoyable than just plain old chug-chug hardcore. Still, bands like Erie’s Problem Solver Revolver were still great. They brought the crowd to a pinacle of intensity and put on a great set. Erie hardcore is where its at. The show finished with a set by the straight edge band Embrace Today, all the way from Boston. T hey were angry and intense, but the set was great. All in all an awesome local show. I miss the scene so much. Every time I go to one of those shows I just want to start a hardcore band more than anything. I saw Colby, one of my friends from high school who was back on break from school. He said he was studying fashion design in Florida and aspiring to be a skate shoe designer. Pretty cool. Its always good to see people from one’s past every now and then.

If Schools Don’t Value Intellect, Who Will?

My mom pointed me to an interesting article from The American School Board Journal of January 2001. It discusses anti-intellectualism in American education. As anyone who has read these pages can probably discern, I think that anti-intellectualism is an enormous problem, not only in elementary and high schools, but even at universities as well. I’ve made the article into a PDF and it is available here.

This was originally written on 03.24.2001

Today I spent some time with Tim. I took him into Harrisburg for class and to drop off some scholarship stuff as his car “didn’t have gas” (read Tim didn’t want to drive). I also went to lunch with Tim at a local deli. I’m home in PA for the remainder of break and its good to be able to see Tim and my mom.

As an aside, it seems I won’t be seeing much of Tim this weekend because he’s sold me out for his girlfriend. I guess what goes around comes around because I played the same shit on him back when I was dating Lisa. I met his girlfriend tonight. She’s lovely, but reminds me of Lisa in some ways. She’s just a straight-up teenage girl I guess. The story of how they hooked up is pretty interesting. They met at a model UN conference, she thought he was cute and got his number. I’m sort of frustrated at the ease at which he hooked up. Thinking back on it though, beginning to date Lisa wasn’t much easier. Being single again, I really wish that things were that simple. In the end though, a girl willing to pursue me probably wouldn’t be the right girl for me. I need someone more like myself. However, my extreme shyness complicates matters imensely. Its so easy on the Internet. Tonight a bunch of girls who found my profile on makeoutclub.com. One was a college student writing a novel, another a high school student who likes Vonnegut and plays bass in a jazz funk fusion band. We talked and it was fun and interesting. Off the grid however, I rarely meet girls half as interesting, and when I do meet a girl who excites me, I become petrified and stupid.

This was originally written on 02.18.2001

I’m writing this entry in the library of “The Hostel In The Forest”. We arrived at our destination a few hours ago and it feels really good to be off the road. The last couple of days have been a bit of a whirlwind and pretty interesting. The night of my day in Cleveland I ate interesting, chinese food w/ my father and went to his work w/ him while he finished some things. He’s taken a second job of sorts doing janitorial stuff around the building so he spends some late nights. While I admire his work ethic, I worry that he has developed a bit of an unhealthy preoccupation w/ money. What is the point of accumulating money, or for that matter any other type of material possesion if one gains no hapiness from it? He always claims that Cleveland is so much better than Boiling Springs, but it doesn’t seem like he takes advantage of the added opportunity on a regular basis. I hope that he will quit his night job once my mom moves out to OH.

After that, my dad dropped me off at a club not far from his apartment so I could go to a hardcore show. Due to his extended stay at the office, and the show starting early, I missed the first two bands, but I did get to see Zao, the band I most wanted to see. They were hard and heavy and oh so intense. It was a pretty fun show, and as it ended by midnight, I was able to get some substantial sleep before going back to Columbus.

My dad is a very early riser so he got me up before 6 which meant I was able to get back to Columbus before 9. I packed, checked e-mail, and waited for Varu and Erin to show up. We left about 1 PM and headed south. Erin started driving but eventually hit her limit and I took over. We drove hardcore for hours. Its interesting how driving is considerably less painful when you have interesting company. We stopped briefly in Charlotte fom dinner. We drove on further south before finally stopping south of Columbia. It took us a rather long time to find a room in columbia as it seems all the rooms in columbia were for some odd reason all occupied. Driving from hotel to hotel reminded me a great deal of childhood holidays when we would drive, as if for hours, seeking an inexpensive hotel.

We awoke late and continued on our journey. We continued on our path through the south and stopped in Savanah for groceries, thrift stores, and to check out the Fort Pulaski National Monument. Fort Pulaski was a fort used in the revolutionary war era (though perhaps not the war itself, I’m really not sure?). It was later used as a confederate fort during the civil war and eventuallytaken over by union forces. It was a really interesting building architecturally. The fort was protected on its front by a moat and a triangular island that contains underground munition stores. It was historical and interesting. After a short drive we eventually reached the hostel just outside of Brunswick, GA. It was dusk and we had to drive down this crazy dirt road with these huge puddles. When we got there, we were greeted by Monica who showed us around the hostel. The hostel consists primarily of two geodessic domes which house the library and the common room respectively. Multiple other auxillary structures housed things like the bath house, the laundry room, and the dining area. The rooms for guests are arranged around the hostel grounds. Each structure is unique and gives the hostel a fun eclectic flavor. Perhaps the most alarming structure of all was the compost toilet. Instead of running water and flush toilets you simply cover your “deposit” with sawdust. The fecal matter is then added to compost for the garden? What do you do to urinate? Go water a tree. Our treehouse is the peacock hut, so named because of a wood carving of a peacock on the door of the hut. It is enclosed on two sides only w/ screen which makes me feel as if I will be sleeping in a jungle bungalow or Seminole hut. Having gorged myself on our picknic lunch, I decided to skip dinner and write this journal entry and read more of Catch 22.

This was originally written on 02.16.2001

I’m relaxing now, in my father’s cluttered lakewood apartment, after spending the day roaming about the city. Some kids have headed down to coastal waters for a spring break filled w/ sexual promiscuity and drunken debauchery. I, on the other hand, am on the north coast trudging through the lingering rust belt winter. I don’t mind the city though, even when cold, grey skies serve as a constant reminder of Cleveland’s hard, industrial history. I like walking around cities, it makes me feel terribly grown up and cosmopolitan. And amidst the heavy, mid-day pedestrian traffic, its significantly harder to feel lonely. I feel a little like Holden Caufield roaming about the city after being ejected from boarding school.

I roam the streets more out of liesure than desperation though. I got to do one of my favorite things this morning, ride public transportation. I hopped on the bus and took a jaunt east to center city. I don’t know why I like public transportation so much, but I could ride all day. I like trains the best, but busses are ok too. It might just be because I hate driving, but I also like the bus because it makes me feel so connected – I get in this capsul and with minimal thought and effort, I at my destination. I imagine its a little like what teleportation would feel like. Also, I tend to like the social nature of public transportation. Maybe its just because I watched too many episodes of Seasame Street as a child, but I really like the idea of neighborhoods and community. People driving alone in autos seems like the perfect metaphor for the isolation of modern life.

Before I digress too much, I should mention why I went downtown in the first place. Cleveland is having it’s 25th annual international film festival, and although its not Cannes or Sundance or Toronto, its still an awesome chance to see films that one wouldn’t get a chance to see elsewhere. I saw two films, selected basically at random, and what follows are some notes about the two films.

The first film that I saw was a fun lbritish comedy called “House!”. While, I’m no expert on british film, “House!” seems similar to many of the British comedies, such as “The Full Monty”, that have captured the fancy of American audiences. It is a tale of individuals facing tough economic realities and overcoming these realities w/ cleverness and gusto. The plot of the film centers around an aging bingo hall that has fallen on tough times, particularly with the opening of an ultra-modern bingo complex in the same town. The main protagonist, js a likeable young girl who works at the old bingo hall. This character is instantly likeable, as are most of the characters in the film. It seems that many comedies are just a string of jokes or gags and that even the most basic character development is forgotton. Either that or the characters are merely cliches. I found this film a refreshing departure from that. We learn that after the death of her mother, she too has fallen on financial troubles, and it seems the bingo hall offers stability and friendship in her lonely life. However, when it seems the bingo hall will close, and when the girl’s aunt comes to collect her half af the family house, what little stability she has appears to be at risk. Luckily, the girl possesses a strange gift that enables her to guess winning numbers. With this skill she devises a plan to save her beloved bingo hall.

This comedy is not what I would call an amazing film, but is, at the same time, a truly enjoyable picture. It is charming and sweet without being ridiculously sappy. It is clever and fun without being obnoxious or hacknayed. All in all, it makes one feel as a good comedy should make one feel: happy and w/ a certain rekindled liking of humanity.

The second film that I saw was a Turkish film titled “Run for Money”. In this film, an exceedingly honest shop owner comes upon a mass of American dollars. What follows is the gradual but complete corruption of this man.

While the theme of the corrupting influence of money is by no means a new one, and this film’s treatment of this subject was not any more vivid or powerful than others, I thought that this film was still very interesting given the cultural climate that it was written in.

Currently, the Turkish economy is crap, inflation is rising, and the official currency isn’t doing so well either. I even read a recent Wall Street Journal article about an impending IMF bail-out. In my econ class, we discussed that in periods of hyperinflation, people tend to keep short term outlooks and are constantly hedging against inflationary pressures. I think this film probably reflects such a cultural preoccupation with money and wealth and makes a statement about the opportunity cost that such a preoccupation entails. Also, I thought it particularly interesting that the protagonist found American dollars and not some other currency. To some extent I think the film may also be a commentary on the impact that a growing western influence has had on Turkish culture.

Representative Democracy? Yeah Right.

Max sent me this e-mail this morning. It represents just another reason why I am so frustrated with society (and society as reflected in our elected officials). More and more, government and people in power in general don’t represent me. In particular, look to the statistics about drug charges and drunk driving.

>Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500
>employees and has the following statistics:
>*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
>*7 have been arrested for fraud
>*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
>*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses
>*3 have done time for assault
>*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
>*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
>*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
>*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
>*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
>
>Can you guess which organization this is? Give up yet? It’s the 535
>members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that
>crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest
>of us in line.
>
>I rest my case.

School Censorship

I came across these 2 articles on /. which discuss how the ACLU successfully fought for a student’s right to free speech. I think it’s important to remember all the students who weren’t as lucky as this kid and were silenced for way more legitamite sites criticizing their schools. Schools need to start learning that when they give students a sanctioned voice (e.g. a student council that isn’t a popularity contest) and respect students as adults, many of their so called “discipline problems” will dissappear. They need to realize that many of the students who are speaking out agains the school often have some legitimate grievances and some of the most lucid ideas for helping improve the school system. Anyway, here are the links: http://news.cnet.com/news/0-1005-200-4930756.html?tag=nbs and http://www.politechbot.com/p-01762.html

Psychotic?

I picked up this news piece from Salon. The basic idea is that some 13 year old girl from jersey could go to a juvenile detention facility for 2 years for making a list of “People2kill”. Scary? Well not really, when you consider the fact that no weapons were found, and she had no prior record. Certainly a “People2kill” list should bring concern, but if punitive measures are enacted, we will no doubt be seeing another victim of the post-columbine backlash.

What people ought to consider, is that maybe the people on the list deserved it. Not death of course, but there a loads of hideous people in this world who could make junior high hell for anyone. People who are so cruel, and wield so much power (while those who are supposed to be in power, the teachers and the administrators look the other way), that a victim could feel completely powerless and defenseless. When one is constantly a victim, there is no doubt that grim thoughts will enter one’s mind.

But here is the important point. There is a big difference between one’s fantasies and coping mechanisms and actual murder. In my freshman psych class we talked about psychotics, and one of the characteristics of a psychotic is that they don’t have any seperation between fantasy and reality. Those of us who are normal, however, do, which is why it is ok for us to think “man, what a jerk, I’d really like to kill that guy”. And if making a list makes some girl feel a little more empowered so she can make it through another day of school, fucking great. This is bordering on prosecuting thought crime. Society is taking individuals private thoughts and fantasies, or information they share in the confidence of friends, blowing them out of context, and persecuting people for having these (often justified ideas).

So what is society to do? Well, we cannot simply ignore incidents like this. I know nothing of this girl or the situation other than the wire article. For all I know, she could be genuinely dangerous, and perceptive teachers, parents, and administrators averted a disaster. However, if someone is mentally ill, I doubt that encarceration will do anything to help the girl or society. Even though the posibility exists that she is mentally ill and dangerous, I seriously doubt that is the case. Why? Because junior high sucks. I rememember making lists of people I hated (though not hit lists) and I also recall writing a short story about a boy who blew up the school on parent teacher night. I even showed it to a teacher. Unfortunately, what was correctly perceived as a venting of anger, frustration, and impotence when I was going to school is now seen as a dangerous threat. Well, I ensure you, that if society limits peoples thoughts and expressions, their own personal coping mechanisms and springboards to a better life, we will have a society of sociopaths. So, when this girl is found to be completely sane (which I think will be the case), and people have drillled it into her head that killing people for real is very wrong (which I’m sure she understands and agrees with), she shouldn’t be punished. Here’s a novel idea. Give her (and others like her) some real power. Power to rival the popular elite and the bullies. Power to make the system more fair and enjoyable for everyone. When you give people the real power they deserve, I doubt that they’ll need to make hit lists to make themselves feel stronger.

Culture Jam

I’m reading Culture Jam and it’s a pretty interesting read. What I’ve read so far isn’t terribly revolutionary, however. The beginning seems to make assertions that are relatively obvious to any intelligent person, and the rest seems to continue on this path of preaching to the choir. What I was really hoping that the book would discuss are techniques for culture jamming and the marketing fundamentals that underly them. I think it’s important to do subvertisements or liberate billboards in a manner that really motivates the masses and doesn’t just make interesting art or give the intellectual elite a chuckle.

I came across this tidbit in /. (originally reported in The Village Voice’s Jockbeat) and it represents a fairly subtle but funny way of culture jamming.

Jockbeat’s newest hero is Jonah Peretti, who turned Nike’s
corporate creativity against itself in a stand against third-world
exploitation labor. Peretti’s protest made use of the swoosh brand’s
Nike iD Web site, which allows customers to “build your own”
sneaker, complete with a word of your choice, or “iD,” printed on the
side. For his iD, Peretti selected “sweatshop,” which generated the
following e-mail exchange: